I Just Wanna Run
by deans-girl67
Summary: Dean wants to get away. From his life, his 'wrong' feelings, and his father. But why does he? Warnings- abuse, wincest  Dean's reasons for wanting to leave and for wanting to stay. emotional!hurt!Dean,abusive!dictating!John,warm!loving!comforting!Sam.
1. Chapter 1

I Just Wanna Run

**A/N: I was listening to my youtube playlist and the song 'I Just Wanna Run' came on. Then I got an idea that stuck in my head and wouldn't get out, so here's the story!**

**Chapter 1: Running**

Dean felt trapped. Sam, with his devastatingly beautiful body and innocent soul, tempting him, arousing him, making his hormones surge, was always around. John and his insults, glares, and beatings was merciless with training and hunting, especially with Dean, because Sam was 14 and he was 18. Dean wished. He wished he could run away from the feelings he knew were wrong, away from his father who didn't want him. Away from the cursed life he was 'destined' to live.

"Dean! Get out of your damn little world and pack up! We're leaving for Utah in 20 minutes!" John bellowed. Dean gulped.

"Yes, sir. Where's Sam?" Dean asked.

"Don't worry about your little brother, he's in the car."

Dean nodded and started neatly folding his clothes and putting them in his duffle. He safely tucked his diary in the bottom, where his father would never find it. Dean fingered the little baby blue book one last time, remembering the first time he ever tried writing down his thoughts, feelings, and secrets.

-FLASHBACK-

"_Dean, try it. You obviously need to. I even got you a blue one." Sam said, thrusting the book it Dean's hands._

"_Sam, chicks write in diaries, not men." Dean said._

"_Please, Dean? I want you to have a healthy way of letting your emotions out."_

"_Fine. ONE time."_

Dean had kept writing, even after he said only one time. It made him feel good, letting out his emotions, secrets, and fears onto a piece of paper no one else would ever read. Dean finished packing and headed out to the Impala.

"Hey Dean!" Sam exclaimed, scooting across the seat to give Dean room to be beside him.

"Hi, Sammy." Dean replied.

"What's wrong, bro? You seem sad."

"I'm not. What'cha gonna do on the way there?"

"I was thinking about talking to you. Or sleeping. Maybe both."

"Oh, well I'm pretty tired…ummmm….I mean, I think I want to talk, too. What's up, Sammy?" Dean didn't want to go to sleep somewhere where his face could be seen by John. Dean did something in his sleep John considered weak. He sucked his thumb.

"Sleep if you're tired, Dean. I can entertain myself." Sam said.

"I'm fine, Sam. " Dean said.

"But-"

"Sammy, I'm fine. I-I just don't want to sleep in the car. If I drool, I'll leave spots on the seat."

"Okay, Dean. Wait, is it because-" Sam shut his mouth as soon as he saw John. He didn't want to get Dean in trouble, not after everything he'd done for him.

Dean slowly drifted off when they were about an hour away from White Mesa, Utah. Sam tried hard to keep his dad's attention on the road, but he failed when John turned to ask Dean a question.

"What the- DEAN! WAKE UP!" John yelled. Dean jumped and became alert, sitting up straight and rubbing at his eyes quickly.

"Yes, Dad? Are we there?" Dean asked, hoping the answer was 'yes'.

"Dean Tristan Winchester! We are not there! But me and you are having a chat when we do get there! I always knew you were weak, and you just proved my point." John exclaimed furiously. Dean gulped, wishing he could disappear into the seat. He wasn't planning on even going to sleep. Now John thought he was weak.

"I-I'm sorry, Dad. I wasn't trying to be weak…I don't even know that I do it."

"Dean, do not speak the rest of the way there. I am disappointed in you. How dare you set such a bad example for Sam."

Dean nodded and stared out the window. He felt like crying. He didn't want to be a bad example, or weak. Dean ached to just run away from it all. But Sam was the only reason he stayed. He loved Sam in a not so brotherly way, and he hoped if he stayed, they could develop a relationship. 10 minutes later, they pulled up to the Dusty Roads Motel. Dean jumped out quickly and grabbed all the bags.

"Here, Dean. Let me take me bag." Sam said, reaching for his duffle.

"No, Sammy. I'll do it. Go up to the room and read or something." Dean replied.

"Dean, look, I'm really sorry that Dad knows about your habit. It's okay, Dean. Everybody has a quirk."

"Sam…just do what I say, please. I'll be in Dad's room for a bit, then I'll do something with you."

"But, Dean-" Dean was already walking away. He walked up to John, who grabbed him by the back of the neck and led him away.

"Now, what am I going to do with my weak, pathetic son? You always were your mother's boy. I'm surprised you're not crying yet." John said. Dean gulped again.

'_I just wanna run.' _Dean thought.

**A/N: ok, cheesy ending. Probably a terrible first chapter that went no where…or did it? Maybe John will find Dean's diary. Oh, well. I'm sure you know what's gonna happen in the next chapter, but here's a hint: John reprimands Dean.**


	2. Pain and Embarrassment

Pain and Embarrassment

"Dean, you know what to do. On your knees." John said, pulling off his belt. Dean did as he was told, not wanting to make the beating worse. John whipped him for 5 minutes straight, then told him to stand. Dean could feel tears stinging in his eyes, and was thankful that John hadn't turned on the lights.

"You're a good boy, aren't you? And good boys do not show weakness. They do what they're told and they don't suck their thumbs." John said.

"Yes, sir. I understand." Dean said.

"Go make Sam supper and make sure he gets ready for bed."

"Yes, sir."

"And Dean, next time you do something weak, I will embarrass you in front of Sam. And I mean it."

Dean nodded and quickly walked out of the room. He walked down the hall to his and Sam's room and opened the door. Sam was laying on the bed in just a pair of low slung jeans, displaying his toned midsection. He was reading, as usual.

"Hey, Sammy. Are you hungry?" Dean asked.

"A little. Are you okay, Dean?" Sam said.

"Yeah. Don't worry about me."

Dean walked to the little kitchen area and made Sam some hotdogs. Sam was picky, so hotdogs was on the list of things that he'd actually eat. He set them on the table and called for Sam, who sauntered into the kitchen.

"Thank, Dean! I like it when you make supper. Dad doesn't do it right." Sam said.

"Thanks, Sammy. Eat up, Dad said you need to be in bed soon." Dean replied.

"Awwwww, Dean! I'm 14! I should be able to stay up until at least 11 P.M."

"Sorry, Sam. What Dad says goes."

"Dean, did Dad hit you again? Is that why you're not letting me stay up late like you usually do?"

"Sam, he doesn't hit-"

"Yes, he does. I-I tried to keep him from seeing, but he turned around. I didn't want you to get in trouble."

"You don't need to take care of me. I'm supposed to take care of you. Do you mind putting a shirt on?"

Sam went to put a tee-shirt on, wondering why Dean was acting so weird. He thought maybe he just didn't want him to be shirtless, or maybe he didn't like seeing him like that. He noticed Dean hadn't sat down.

"Sam! Go take a shower. It's almost 9:30. You should already be in bed." Dean said. Sam hated when his brother was like this. It was like Sam would finally get Dean to talk to him about his feelings, then John would do something and Dean would become a soldier again. Sam grabbed his pajamas and walked into the bathroom, turned on the shower, and washed himself and his long hair quickly.

'_Maybe if I'm really quick, Dean will talk to me. Dad screwed up again and Dean's paying for it. Why is Dad such an ass?' _Sam thought.

Sam toweled off quickly and got dressed. He sauntered into the main room.

"Dean? Where are you, bro?" Sam called, not seeing Dean anywhere. Dean hadn't heard Sam, he was writing the events of the day in his diary. Sam started looking for Dean. He searched everywhere, and he finally searched the closet. He found Dean huddled in the corner, writing in the small diary he'd given him last year.

"Dean, what are you doing? Are you- Are you WRITING in the DIARY I gave you?" Sam asked, surprised. Dean looked embarrassed.

"Y-Yeah. Please don't tell Dad, Sammy! H-He'll beat me. Worse than last time." Dean begged. Sam could see the fear in his brother's emerald eyes.

"I won't, Dean. You don't tell on me for anything, and I'm not gonna rat you out."

"T-Thanks."

"Don't mention it, Dean. It's 9:45. We need to get in bed before Dad comes to check on us."

Dean nodded and stood up, closing his diary. He changed into his pajamas and slid into the bed farthest from the door. He knew he should just man up and get over it, stop sucking his thumb like a big baby, but he just couldn't.

"Goodnight, Dean. I love you." Sam said, crawling into his own bed.

"Night, Sam. Love you, too." Dean replied.

Within 2 minutes, both boys were asleep. Sam was sprawled across his bed, his gangly legs hanging over the side, and Dean was turned towards the wall, sucking his thumb intently. Around 4:30, Sam awoke from a nightmare, frantically searching for Dean, who was already awake and sitting at the table, with John. He wondered why his dad was there, already ruining the morning.

"Good Morning, Sammy." Dean said, looking highly uncomfortable sitting in the chair he was in.

"Sam, good to see you're out of bed before 8 A.M. today." John said.

"Yeah. Good morning, Dean. Sleep well?" Sam asked, adding a wink that went unnoticed by John.

"Just fine, Sam."

"Ok, simple salt and burn. Just need to interview the Bell family and get some permission to search around with the EMF meter." John said.

"Okay, Dad. Me and Sam will get in the Impala." Dean replied, heading for the door, Sam trailing just a mere 3 inches behind.

John knew he would need his Latin book for a ritual, and went to retrieve it from Dean's duffel. He searched the whole thing, not finding the book, but finding something just as interesting. A small baby blue book with diary written in Dean's neat, looping cursive. John's eyebrows raised as he opened the book to the first page.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today we hunted down a werewolf in Texas. I was really scared when Dad told me to shoot it, only because I think wolves are majestic, and I knew there was a person hidden under all that fur. Sammy told me I did the right thing, and I sure hope I did. I killed a person today. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! AM I REALLY SO COLD HEARTED THAT I'D KILL SOMEONE? I was close to telling Sam how I felt about him. I don't even know how he'd take it if he found out that I love him in a not so brotherly way. I'd just lose it if he felt the same way. All I'd think was, 'Cool. Now I don't have to just dream about it.' Jesus. I'm so sick. No wonder I'm in this fucked up life. I got the worst beating ever from dad, because I messed up a shot and I… messed up the Impala. I got out and fixed it, though, now she's purring like a cat. Sammy gave me a hug when Dad had left and told me he wasn't mad at me, that he still loved me. I couldn't help but tear up. What did I ever do to deserve a brother like Sam? I wouldn't trade him for anything. I really wish Mom was here to see how awesome Sam has become. She'd be damn proud. She'd be proud of Dad, too. She'd be ashamed of me, though. I just killed someone. How could she be proud of that?_

John closed the book, shaking his head in anger. He thought maybe Dean had started a journal like him.

"Dean, I told you if I you did something weak again, I'd embarrass you in front of Sam. Now, I'm going to. You'll learn not to be so weak and girlie." John muttered, walking out to the car. He hid the book in his jacket. He got in the Impala, started it, but didn't back out. Dean gulped.

"Dad, are you gonna back out, cause-" Dean started, but John cut him off.

"In a minute. I found something interesting in your bag, Dean. I thought Sam might like to hear it." John said. He took out the book, and started reading.


	3. Vengeance and Breakdowns

John's Vengeance

Dean's eyes widened in horror. John was reading from his diary. His private thoughts, fears, emotions, secrets, and love. He couldn't believe it. John read from his entry last night. He'd woken up and written around midnight, and that was something he couldn't let him read aloud.

"Dear Diary, Today was just so…eventful. I felt trapped, I wanted to run. But I can't. I wonder if that listen to your heart trick works, maybe I'll try it. I screwed up big time today and fell asleep in the car. And that means I was sucking my thumb. I got in trouble, of course, and got a beating. Well, what the hell should I do about it? I'm sorry it makes me feel safe and secure! Does that make me weak? Maybe. But I don't care. I did have some good times today, like when I walked into the room, Sam was shirtless, displaying his perfect, tanned, six-pack. Mmmmmmm. He's got a freaking nice body. Wow. I am sick, but I don't care. I love him and he's my true love, and god damnit, he will be mine! I swear, I love him more than any chick I've dated! His lips look more kissable. They're so pink and soft and perfect…he has mom's lips. He's a lot like Mom, with his looks, temper, and his smart mouth. But, if you look at me and Mom, I look more like her. I just hope one day I'll be able to tell him." John read, watching as his eldest son turned crimson in embarrassment and his eyes widened.

"Dad, please. Stop-" Dean pleaded.

"Oh, but my favorite part is the one that was written later."

"DAD! NO, PLEASE!"

"Diary, I had some more to say. Sammy told me I love you before he fell asleep, and I got this warm feeling. I just love it when he says he loves me. I know it's not the way I want to hear it, but it was special nonetheless. I really need to go to sleep, so I guess that's that." John read on, then closed the book. John smiled at his son's embarrassment and discomfort. Dean just sat there. Sam stared at Dean, his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide. Sam couldn't believe how cruel and merciless his father was. John started driving away from the motel.

"Dad, you're an asshole! I hate you! You can't invade Dean's privacy like that!" Sam yelled, furious with John.

"Samuel Ross Winchester! You do not speak to me like that!" John shouted back.

"I will when you hurt Dean like that! No one hurts Dean! He's my brother and you don't deserve a son as good as him!"

"Sam, shut your mouth! You can't say you're not mad that he wants to be your boyfriend or your bitch, whatever you want to call it."

"I can say I'm not mad! You know why? Because I'm only mad at you! You're a selfish bastard who doesn't deserve to have someone who follows your every command like Dean!"

John turned around and went to slap Sam across his cheek. Dean noticed and got in front of Sam just in time to receive the blow. Sam's eyes widened, as did John's, when they noticed Dean was crying. Not just a few tears, he was full blown bawling. Sam's shock suddenly turned to rage and hate towards their father. He'd seen Dean close to tears, he'd seen Dean shed one or two tears, but he'd never seen him sob and cry as hard as he could. Sam turned towards John, only to see him yelling at Dean.

"Man up! It was a little tap that Sam would have gotten if you hadn't have put yourself in the way." John said.

"I can't let you hurt Sam! He doesn't deserve it! He hasn't done anything wrong. I've done lots of bad things." Dean said.

"Like what? Killing your majestic werewolf? Or maybe wanting to kiss your brother?"

"SHUT UP! DAMN IT! I HAVE FEELINGS, OK!"

"Too many feelings. Why don't you ask Sam to give you a hug? I know you'd love that. I thought I raised you better. I thought I raised you to be straight."

"Pull the fuck over. I'm out. I can't deal with it. Give me my diary, let me out, and don't come back to pick me up. I'll walk back to the motel."

John handed back the diary and pulled over. Dean got out, slammed the door, and headed towards the direction of the motel. He heard another car door slam. Sam ran to catch up with him.

"Dean! Dean, wait, please!" Sam yelled.

"You still want to talk to me? I'm surprised." Dean said. Sam caught up.

"Of course I still want to talk to you! Why wouldn't want to?"

"Ummm, I want to be your boyfriend? I'm gay? I'm a stupid, weak, emotional bitch who sucks his thumb?"

"So? Dean, I'm not Dad, and I'm not mad. You're not stupid or weak, but you are emotional sometimes."

There was a long silence between the brothers. Dean stared ahead, trying not to look at Sam.

"So, uh, do you? You know, like me like that?" Dean asked.

"Let's get back to the motel, then I'll tell you." Sam answered.

Dean was anxious, wanting to know what Sam felt. Did he feel the same? Did he want to have a relationship? If so, how would they keep it from their father? Dean's mind raced with possibilities, problems, and conflicts. They reached the motel and got up to their room, where Dean hid his diary again. Sam sat on the bed, the absolute biggest smile plastered on his face. Dean turned to face him.

"You ready to find out?" Sam asked. Dean nodded eagerly. Sam rose from his spot on the bed, took Dean by his shoulders, and put his back against the nearest wall.

**A/N: Not the best ending, but total cuteness in the next chapter. At least in the first part. I just realized the title doesn't exactly fit into the story, but I think it's the theme….Thanks for the comments!**


	4. Love and Pain

Love and Pain

Sam had Dean against the wall and started kissing his mouth. Dean cupped Sam's face, kissing him back. Sam pushed Dean onto the bed and got on top of him. He continued to kiss him passionately, knowing Dean was thoroughly enjoying it. Sam was enjoying it just as much.

"Dean, can I take off your shirt?" Sam asked, gently running his fingers through Dean's short, cropped hair.

"Do whatever you want, babe. So I'm guessing you like me like that, huh?" Dean asked.

"You got that right. You're my bitch now."

"Hey! Take it easy! You're not ready yet."

Sam nodded in understanding, sticking his hand under Dean's teeshirt, fingering his abs and chest. Sam smiled as he took it off. Dean smiled back. Sam traced his abs, then started kissing him all over.

"You smell good, Dean. Like AXE." Sam said, getting off of Dean. He layed beside him, curling up on his side. Dean's mind was on information overload. Sam loved him. But now they had to hide it from John.

"Sammy, you're my boyfriend, correct?" Dean asked.

"I am now. Why?" Sam asked.

"What happens if Dad finds out? He'll murder me."

"He can't take you down without me. I'll always go down with you."

"Really?"

"Really."

Dean was unbelievably happy. It was blissful, being able to kiss Sam to his heart's content. It was an adrenaline rush, having a forbidden secret relationship with his brother, not getting caught, and John not ruining the best thing that had ever happened to him.

'_Dad, I just screwed you over, you stupid, ignorant asshole.' _Dean thought.

Sam decided he wanted to explore his boundaries with Dean. He wanted to see how far he could take it, without Dean feeling violated or unsure. He started unbuttoning Dean's jeans, then unzipped them. Dean's eyes widened in surprise.

"You sure you're ready for this, Sammy?" Dean asked.

"Absolutely. Dean, if you're mine, I'm gonna make you mine." Sam answered.

"Really? I didn't think you were ready. If I had known you were, we'd be making love already!"

"Well then. What are you waiting for, My little bad boy?"

Sam got on top of Dean. Sam took his shirt off and slid Dean's pants off the rest of the way. Dean pulled off Sam's pants. Soon, they were fully undressed, and Sam straddled Dean. He kissed Dean passionately, feeling his hormones surge. He entered Dean, and Dean gripped the bed sheets. His breathing sped up as he moaned in pleasure.

"Oh fuck, Sammy, I didn't know you were this good." Dean said.

"Only the beginning." Sam whispered.

Dean wrapped his legs around Sam's waist and his arms around his neck. Sam started to enter Dean again, this time harder, and Dean groaned as Sam grunted. Dean kissed Sam's neck and put his hands on Sam's chest.

"I love you, Samuel Ross Winchester!" Dean exclaimed, putting Sam on the bed and straddling him. Dean leaned down and licked Sam's face. He entered Sam, and Sam grabbed the sheet, smiling and moaning. Dean made sure Sam felt all the love he felt, and gave Sam exactly what he'd given him. He started getting a bit rough and got scared that he'd hurt him.

"I love you, Dean Tristan Winchester." Sam whispered, kissing Dean's chest.

Dean laid back, curling up next to Sam. He fingered Sam's chest, then something startled him. There was a key being inserted into the lock.

'_Oh, shit. We're busted. Dad's gonna see us and lose it.' _Dean thought.

Him and Sam managed to pull on jeans and get back in the bed before John walked in.

"Dean. Tristan. Winchester. You better have an explanation. And it better not be stupid. And if you and Sam made love, I swear, you will be allowed nowhere near him for the rest of your life. This time, Dean, you royally messed up." John said, his voice eerily calm. Dean gulped, then gave his answer.

"Why the fuck do you care? I love Sam, Sam loves me. If that's a problem, fine. But you can't stop it. Tell whoever you want. I don't give a shit what your idiot friends think." Dean said, just as calm.

"Sam, is this true?"

"Yes. I love Dean. And we did make love. So, if you beat him, you beat me, too. If he goes down, I go with him." Sam said, crossing his arms.

"Well, if that's what you want. Get the hell out. Both of you. Go find someone who approves of this crime." John said.

"Fine. But one thing," Dean held up the Impala keys, "Next time, keep your keys."

Dean and Sam picked up their bags, walked out the door, and got in the Impala.

They drove towards Bobby's, hands intertwined. Sam gave Dean a quick kiss. Dean was worried.

"Don't worry, love. Dad will get over it. Till then, we'll stay with Bobby. He'll approve." Sam said.

"I hope you're right, babe." Dean said, a frown forming on his lips.

**A/N: So, this is what happens when John finds out. Dean and Sam are really brave. How many people would come right out and say "I slept with my brother, so get over it. I love him and he makes me happy." I think this could end up as mpreg, but I'm not sure. Thanks for the great reviews!**


	5. Problems and Teasing

Problems and Teasing

Bobby was surprised when he saw the Winchester boys at his door, not accompanied by John. It had been about 2 years since he'd chased John away, threatening to blow him with buckshot if he ever came back with a bruised and battered Dean. Bobby smiled warmly, noticing Sam and Dean's intertwined hands. He then frowned, wondering what they were doing here.

"Boys, good to see ya. Where's your Daddy?" Bobby asked.

"He kinda kicked us out, so…he's in White Mesa, Utah." Dean said, clenching Sam's hand a little tighter.

"Well, don't be strangers, ya idjits. Get in here."

Sam flashed Dean a hopeful smile, noticing Dean seemed distant. He probably felt guilty about leaving John with no transportation. Sam kissed Dean's lips softly before walking in.

"It'll be okay, Deanie. I know you'll protect me and I'll protect you." Sam comforted, hoping he could get through Dean's barrier of taking Dad's commands.

"I know, Sammy, It's just…I feel bad. We left Dad with no way to get around, and I should have just taken a beating instead of running away. Dad's right. I'm weak." Dean said gruffly, entering the cluttered mess that was Bobby's house, Sam following close behind.

Sam frowned at his brother's stubbornness. How could he not see how strong he was? How brave and selfless he was? Bobby told the boys to take a seat, and Sam sat in a recliner. Dean stood in a corner near Sam, not wanting to sit down as he was still sore from the beating.

"So, what did you two do that made John so mad?" Bobby asked, eyeing Dean's cheek, which was a purplish-black color. Bobby shook his head.

"Me and Dean…we gave into our feelings, and he caught us. He told Dean if he didn't give a good explanation, he was never gonna see me again. But Dean was very brave. He came right out and said 'Why the fuck do you care? I love Sam, Sam loves me. If that's a problem, fine. But you can't stop it. Tell whoever you want. I don't give a shit what your idiot friends think.' I'm proud of him. But this never would have happened if Dad hadn't of been snooping around." Sam said, turning to look at Dean, who was trying to hide in the corner. Bobby chuckled.

"I knew it. Ellen owes me fifteen bucks. We had a bet on how long it would take you two to give into your wants and confess your un-brotherly feelings."

"You and Ellen…had a bet…on how long it would take before me and Sam became a couple?" Dean asked, amused.

"Yep. We all knew it was only a matter of time. Dean, if you don't mind me asking, what happened to your cheek?" Dean looked at his feet.

"I jumped in front of Sam because Dad tried to hit him. Sam was defending me because Dad started reading my diary out loud."

Bobby was very angry. Not with Dean and Sam, of course. They hadn't done anything wrong. He was mad at John. The man couldn't even set aside his beliefs to see his sons were happiest when they were with each other.

'_I ought to kill him. He is the worst father.' _Bobby thought. He knew John loved his boys to death, he just had a warped way of showing it.

"Boys, would you like to stay here for awhile? I miss having ya running around the salvage yard. And I always need some help with cars. I can get you enrolled in school and you could start Monday." Bobby said, his voice full of hope. If he could get them to stay, they could be happy. They might go through some problems, being as they're in a same - sexrelationship, but it would be better for them in a small town.

Sam and Dean exchanged glances. Dean moved closer to Sam and whispered to him, gave him a soft, gentle kiss on cheek, and looked back at Bobby.

"You'd really want us here, even if it means people will give you shit about having two brothers, who are gay, _with each other__,___living with you?" Dean asked.

"You boys are like my sons. And if people give you crap, I'll beat the snot outta them. Just like if they give me crap, you'll beat them into another dimension."

"Thanks, Bobby. I'll pay rent, if you want."

"Dean, you even think about it, _I'll_ beat the snot outta you."

For some reason, Dean's eyes widened in fear. He knew Bobby wouldn't but…still. Sam patted his knee as a signal for Dean to sit. Sam was taller and heavier than Dean, and Dean was light, yet muscular, for his age. That made it easier for Dean to sit on Sam's lap. Dean shook his head, not knowing if Bobby wanted it to be kept to a minimum around him.

"I don't care, Dean. You and Sam could have a make-out session right now, for all I care. Just because it's not a girl and a boy, doesn't mean you don't like to do the things people in an opposite-sex relationship do." Bobby said, nodding as Dean sat on Sam's lap and put his arms around Sam's neck.

"I can see who's on bottom in this relationship. Wow, Dean. I thought you'd be top, but apparently, you're the chick." Bobby said jokingly. Dean blushed and got off Sam's lap.

"I told you, Sammy! I told you everyone thought I was weak!" Dean yelled, walking into the kitchen. Sam ran after him. Bobby had only made a joke, but he knew Dean would be offended, because to him, Bobby had said he was weak.

"Deanie-baby, Bobby was joking. And yare _**ARE**_ on the bottom. Do you not remember who was on top earlier?" Sam asked, wrapping Dean in an embrace.

"Yeah, I know. I'm a freaking feminine weirdo. Sammy, do you think Dad will come to find us?" Dean asked.

"Maybe, but it'll be okay."

Sam kissed Dean passionately, using tongue and all. Dean touched Sam's abs gently. Bobby walked in and stood in the doorway, watching in amazement at just how passionate to men could be about each other.

"Alright then. You two can share the queen- sized bed in the guest room. And please keep the noise down. I don't wanna hear you through the walls." Bobby said. Dean and Sam nodded, smiling. They headed to the room, and laid on the large bed. They kissed goodnight and Sam wrapped his arms around Dean. They soon fell asleep, waiting for what was next to come.

**4 days later…**

Sam and Dean woke up early to get ready for school. It was their first day of school at South Dakota High School, and they didn't want to late. The boys got out of bed, rubbing their eyes.

"Good morning, gorgeous." Sam said, kissing Dean on the lips.

"Good morning, love." Dean said, kissing him back.

"Are you ready for school, Sweetpea? Got all your notebooks and pencils?"

"Yeah. You got everything, Buttercup?"

"Yep."

Dean blushed at Sam's nickname for him. It was cute, because Dean's favorite flower and fragrance was sweetpea. Sam loved Dean's nickname for him, because Sam loved buttercups, and actually, Sam used to pick them all the time as a kid. Dean pulled on a pair of jeans and a black tee-shirt, and put on his belt and leather jacket. He started to put on his shoes, but Sam put a hand on his shoulder.

"Dean, don't worry if people ask you about your bruise, okay?" Sam asked.

"Don't worry, Sammy. I'm more worried that someone will make fun of you about us." Dean replied, tying his shoes.

"Well, I don't care. If they don't like us the way we are, they're not good company."

Dean smiled at his lover's confidence. Dean rubbed noses with Sam when he stood up, and kissed his lips, rubbing his tongue on Sam's lower lip. Dean pulled away, and Sam pulled him into an embrace.

"I love you, Sweetpea." Sam whispered.

"And I love you, Buttercup." Dean whispered back.

With their hands intertwined, they walked out to the Impala. They got in and Dean started the car. He put a CD in, and the opening bars of _Without Love_ from _Hairspray_ came through the speakers. Sam smiled and started singing.

"_Once I was a selfish fool who never understood, never looked inside myself, but on the outside, I looked good! Then we met and you made me the man I am today, Tracy I'm in love with you no matter what you weigh…" _ Sam sang, waiting for Dean to sing the chorus.

"_Cause without love, life is like the seasons with no summer, without love, life is rock 'n' roll without a drummer, Tracy I'll be yours forever, cause I never wanna be without love, Tracy never set me free…_" Dean sang. He had the biggest smile on his face. Sam was ecstatic that Dean was so happy, even if just singing a song from a movie (Dean's favorite movie, nonetheless!) in his car.

They pulled into the parking lot about 7:15 A.M., and started to look around. They saw a pair of girls holding hands walking next to a pair of boys holding hands. Sam and Dean looked at each other. Could it be possible that they weren't the only gay couple? Sam and Dean grabbed their gear and exchanged a quick kiss before getting out, and once again grabbed each other's hand. They had some of the '_Who are the new kids?' _looks, but nothing suggesting that they were disgusted by the couple. Two girls ran up to the boys and smiled.

"Hey! Welcome to SDHS! I'm Sierra and this is my girlfriend, Addison. I'm guessing you two are Sam and Dean Winchester." Sierra said.

"Yep, that's us."

"Wow. You haven't even made a comment about Addison. Addison and I are a couple. We're also sisters."

"We're not like that. Sam's my boyfriend and brother, so we don't have any complaints."

"Well, you're some of the first. Sam, you and Addison have all classes together. She'll help you find your way around. Dean, I have all classes with you, so I'll show you around."

"Sounds great."

"You know, you two are cool. It's awesome that you're pretty up-front about your relationship. There are about 3 other gay couples and 2 lesbian couples. But do not, and I repeat _**DO NOT**_let the jocks or cheerleaders find out."

"Yo, Sierra! Who are the new guys?" A boy asked, running excitedly over to Sierra.

"Sam, Dean, this is Michael. Michael, This is Sam, and this is Dean." Sierra said.

"Hey guys! I have no idea where Lucifer is, but when I find him I'll introduce you." Michael seemed very upbeat.

"You know, it's funny that your name is Michael and you have a friend named Lucifer." Sam said. Michael laughed.

"Boyfriend, not friend. Yeah, his parents are into the whole dark overlord, upside down pentagram shit. My parents are totally holier than thou."

"Wow. I didn't know there were so many people like us here."

"Yeah. Wait, you two are a couple? Cool! We should all hang out sometime!"

"Sure. What do you think, Dean? Dean? Dean!"

Dean was totally distant, staring at the ground. He was thinking about their dad, how sooner or later he was gonna have to face the music. Then his thoughts shifted to that day. The first day John had ever beat him.

_Dean had just gotten home from school and John was standing there, a small necklace in his hand. _

"_Why do you have this? Why didn't you tell me you had one of the stones for the spell?" John demanded. He was outraged._

"_I-It was mom's. I didn't want to lose it." Dean said._

"_Dean, it's a necklace!"_

"_It was Mom's! She gave it to me!"_

"_Inside, now!"_

_His destiny was to be abused. He could feel the sharp tips of his Dad's belt on his skin._

"_No Daddy! Stop, Please!"_

"_Not till you learn your lesson."_

Sam put his hands on Dean's shoulders.

"Is he ok? He looks pale. Maybe he should sit down." Michael said.

"Dean, please, talk to me. I want to hear your voice. Come on, snap out of it." Sam pleaded.

Dean came out of his stupor and looked Sam in the eye. He looked at all the people around him.

"Oh, sorry, Sammy. I-I guess I just got lost in my thoughts. Hi Michael. I'm Dean." Dean said. He touched his bruised cheek lightly and winced.

"Dude, that's some nasty bruising. What happened?" A guy asked. Michael hugged him, so they guessed it was Lucifer.

"Nothing. Just a bruise. You must be Lucifer. Michael told us a little about you." Dean said.

"The one and only. On earth anyway. Sorry I was late, Mike. My parents were lecturing me about 'showing my religion proudly' or something. I'm Catholic, not Satanic." Lucifer rolled his eyes. He didn't even look like a Satanist. He was dressed in tie-dye and peace signs. The bell rang for classes, and the group went their separate ways. Sierra, Dean, and Michael headed for Home Economics, while Sam, Addison, and Lucifer walked to science.

"Hey! You're on straight turf, gays. Who are you new guy?" A jock with a number 24 jersey on

"Dean Winchester." Dean replied, bracing himself in-front of the group.

"Ahhh, I saw you this morning holding hands with what's-his-face…Sam. Gays aren't allowed on our turf, so find another way."

"Make us. We have just as much right to be here as you."

"Oh, so you're the brave one, huh? Well, tough guy, let's see you try to fight me."

The jock pushed him and punched his face. Dean didn't falter and punched back. The jock then said something then caught Dean close to home.

"You top or bottom, bitch? You get that bruise from Sam or your dad?"

**A/N: I know, weird turn of events. More same-sex couples thrown in, some obnoxious jocks, and that funny little joke about the Michael/Lucifer couple, and what religion the parents are from. Thanks for all the comments! Babyreaper, I thought a calm John would be much scarier than a mean John. I know that was unexpected too.**


	6. Threats and Teasing

Threats and Teasing

**A/N: Strange last chapter, but now it's mainly about school. MAYBE John will come looking for them. If you are wondering, I did purposely put the one couple as Michael and Lucifer. **

Dean suddenly shutdown. Those two questions, they really hit him hard.

"Well, are you gonna answer me? Or are you just gonna stand there and stare?" The jock asked.

"Get the hell out of my way, or I'll run over you. I'm not scared of you. You're just an obnoxious jerk who has no life." Dean said, pushing past the huge football player.

Michael and Sierra followed suit, smiling.

"Dude, you are, like, a hero! No one has ever stood up to him. Man, they better watch it if they pick on Sam, huh?" Michael asked.

"Oh yeah. They touch Sammy, I might go to Hell from breaking the 'thou shall not kill' commandment." Dean said.

"Well, I don't think you'd go to Hell. We'd better hurry; Home Ec. starts in five minutes." Sierra said. The trio started to run to room 408, and got there just in time. They took their seats; Dean next to Michael, Sierra next to some cheerleader. The teacher started taking roll, and when she got to Dean's name, she smiled.

"Mr. Winchester! I see you're new. Please come up and introduce yourself." Mrs. Farwell said. Dean got up quietly and walked to the front of the room.

"I'm Dean. I speak Latin, I have a brother named Sam. That's all you need to know." Dean said. He walked back to his seat and sat down. His bottom was still sore. The teacher started teaching and Dean tried to stay focused.

"You and your partner are going to get some fabric, needles, and thread. Today we're going to make some pillows." Mrs. Farwell said. Dean absolutely couldn't wait to get out of this class. After 30 minutes of sewing, the bell rang. Dean looked at his schedule. Sex education? Since when is that a class?

"Dean, come on. We need to get to class. We go to room 303." Sierra said. Dean nodded.

Sierra pulled him into the room. Right across the hall, Sam was in sex education, too, hoping that Dean was doing okay.

"New kid, huh? You're gonna hate this class." A girl said.

"Why?" Sam asked, suddenly fearing what he'd just stepped into.

"Sam, they do ask about your sexuality. The whole class knows I'm lesbian. You're gonna be teased for awhile. Dean will be in the same boat, so you're not alone. I'm still being teased." Addison said. Suddenly a booming voice called his name.

"Sam Winchester. Please tell me your current sexual status." asked the teacher. His name tag read Coach Gomez.

"Is it even legal to ask that?" Sam asked.

"Yes. Now answer."

"I'm gay."

The coach nodded and wrote it down. He started writing on the dry-erase board. Sam tapped Addison's shoulder.

"Why do we have to take this class?" Sam asked.

"It's required for us to pass 10th grade. Don't worry. Everyone gets over it sooner or later." She said.

Sam felt something hit the back of his head. It was a piece of crumpled paper. He opened it. Of course, it said gay boy. Sam rolled his eyes. He couldn't believe how immature some people were. The coach turned to face the class.

"We have a very special topic today, so the senior class is going to join us." Coach Gomez said. Sam and Addison both had slight smiles gracing their faces. A jock leaned over to Sam.

"Your crush in the senior class? You're lucky. Mine's in the junior class. I'm Josh, by the way." Josh said. Sam looked surprised.

"Are you…" Sam started.

"No, but I'm not judgmental. You could be gay with your brother and I couldn't care less. I'm a people pleaser, not an ass."

"That's cool. Actually, my brother _**is**_ my boyfriend."

"Cool. He's a senior? Nice, dude."

Sam smiled. At every other school he'd been to, the jocks would beat him up. The seniors came in and sat in the empty desks. Dean sat in the one by Sam. He looked at Josh and waved. He gave Sam a fist bump, then felt something hit the side of his head. Another airplane. He opened it, and there was a sketch of him and Sam kissing. He could hear the moans and kissy noises and the whispers of 'I love you' coming from the other seniors. He wished they'd all just leave him alone. Sam passed him a note.

'_Don't worry, Sweetpea. It'll blow over. I love you.' _Sam had written. Dean wrote back.

'_I know, Buttercup. I'm sure they're teasing you, too. I love you, too. XOXO'_ Dean passed it back to Sam. Sam smiled, reading his brother's neat cursive. Sam resisted the urge to blow him a kiss. Sierra and Addison were holding hands and chatting away as if no one else was there. Sam and Dean decide everyone would get over it and they started talking.

"Hey, Sammy. How are you getting along?" Dean asked.

"Fine. Looks like you've been having some trouble, though." Sam said, noticing the group of jocks gathering around them. One of them sat right next to Dean, and started poking him in the shoulder. Dean turned to look at him.

"If you kiss me, and I catch your gayness, can I date my little brother, too?" The jock said.

"You can't catch gayness, you idiot." Dean said.

"Dean and Sam sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G-"

"Shut up."

"Why don't you show us how gays kiss? Do they use tongue?"

"Go find out yourself."

"Oh, are you getting mad? Maybe you should cool off."

"Jeez, can't you just leave him alone, Jake?" Josh asked.

"Shut up, Josh. You're such a goody goody." Jake said.

"And you're a stupid person who hates gay people. Get over yourself and grow up."

"Alright, kids settle down. Like I said, we have a very special and important topic today. Protection. How many of you know what a condom is?" Coach Gomez asked. Everyone raised their hands.

"Good. That will make this easier." Coach Gomez added. He passed out a paper to everyone about how to use one, and Dean simply folded it and shoved it in his pocket. Sam gave his brother a questioning glance before passing him another note.

'_You ok? You didn't even look at the paper. What's up?' _Sam wrote.

'_I'm alright, Sammy. Just kinda wish all these guys would leave me alone.'_ Dean wrote back. Sam looked at it and frowned. These guys were really hurting Dean's feelings. Sam mouthed 'I love you' and Dean slightly bowed his head. Sam frowned more. Jake started messing with Dean again.

"What's the matter, Dean? You PMSing? Is it that time of the month?" Jake asked.

"Leave him alone! You're such a jerk." Sam said, noticing Dean wasn't going to fight back.

"Awww, look guys. Sam's sticking up for his big brother. What? Dean too weak to fight his own battles?"

"Can't you just stop picking on him? He didn't even do anything to you."

Sam looked at Dean, who just slid lower into his seat. Sam could see Dean was close to tears. He couldn't let these bullies make his brother cry.

"Dean, hey. Calm down. I'll protect you." Sam said.

"I don't need you to. I'm not weak or a chick or PMSing. Just shut up before they start teasing you too." Dean replied. Sam was now angry at the jocks. They were hurting Dean emotionally, and Dean had always been a bit sensitive and emotional. He frowned more when another jock started teasing him.

"Are you _**crying?**_ Guys it is his time of the moth! Maybe one of the girls will loan you a pad." The jock said. Dean finally snapped and turned around.

"Please, just leave me alone. I'm not a girl and I just want to learn something in this damn class." Dean said.

"What would you get out of this class? Oh, yeah. You need to know how to use protection for when you have sex with Sam."

Dean finally just hung his head and started to cry. He didn't care what anyone thought, he was just so tired of being teased. He was so glad when he got out of that class and onto 3rd period. He was even happier when lunch came around. He stood in the cafeteria, waiting for Sam, when Josh walked up to him.

"What do you want? You gonna tease me, too? Cause I've been hit with everything today, so hit me with your best shot." Dean said miserably. Josh smiled sympathetically.

"No, I just know people have been teasing you. I just wanted you to know, I don't hang with those jerks. I'm perfectly ok with you and Sam." Josh said.

"I appreciate the fact that you're not judgmental. Sorry about my attitude."

"No problem. I don't mind."

Dean felt a pair of hands come to rest on his shoulders. When he looked up, he saw Sam's beautiful hazel eyes. For the first time that day, Dean smiled and leaned on Sam.

"Hey, Sweetpea. You okay?" Sam asked, gently massaging Dean's shoulders.

"I'm fine. What about you, Buttercup?" Dean asked. Josh smiled and walked away, giving the brothers some space.

"Dean, don't change the subject. I know you're not okay."

"I am okay. I just got a little…"

"Tired of being teased? Dean, it's okay to admit that they hurt your feelings-"

"They didn't hurt my feelings. I'm fine. Please, just let it go."

Sam gave Dean a 'we'll talk later' look, and hugged him. Sierra, Michael, Addison, and Lucifer walked up and waved.

"Hey guys. Are you gonna eat or stand there?" Michael asked. The small group cast Michael some glares. Dean just straightened up and stopped leaning on Sam.

"I'm not hungry. I'll just get us a table." Dean said. He started to walk away until Sam grabbed his arm. He turned to look at Sam, who had on his famous bitch face. Dean gulped, knowing he was about to get scolded for something.

"Dean, you're going to eat. Just because you're upset-" Sam started, but Dean cut him off.

"I'm not upset, Sam. I'm just not hungry. If it means that much to you, I'll eat something, okay?" Dean asked. Sam didn't like the fact that Dean wasn't eating, but he knew forcing it would make it worse. He let go of Dean's arm and allowed him to find a table. Michael looked guilty.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings." Michael said.

"It's okay. He did this a lot when our dad was gone or mad at him." Sam said.

"I hope he's okay. He seems out of it."

"I think he got his feelings hurt throughout his last couple of periods. I just wish I could help him out."

"It's not your fault. The kids here are just naturally jerks."

The group got their food and went to sit at the table Dean had saved for them. Sam sat by Dean and put his arm around him. Dean leaned into him. Dean nonchalantly rubbed the back of his head. Sam turned around and saw what he guessed was the cool kid table, throwing tater tots at Dean. Dean stopped leaning on Sam and sat up. The kids behind them continued to throw food at Dean. Sam stood up and walked over to their table.

"Which one of you has been throwing food at MY brother?" Sam asked.

"All of us. What are you gonna do about it?" A jock asked. Fury coursed through Sam's veins.

"You had better leave him alone or I swear to God I will beat the crap out of you."

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try."

Dean came up behind Sam and dragged him back to their table. Sam glared at the jocks one last time, before giving in and walking back.

"Dean, what the hell! I could have made them leave you alone!" Sam asked. Dean just looked into Sam's eyes with just about the most adorable, yet upset look he'd ever seen.

"Sam, I don't need protecting. I protect you. They'll get bored eventually." Dean said. Sam's heart skipped a beat. His brother didn't think he needed protection from anything.

"Dean, they made you cry. You can't keep letting them hurt you like this."

"Thanks for pointing that out, Sam. I can fight my own battles, and damnit I don't need or deserve for you to protect me. You are my responsibility; I take care of and protect you. Not the other way around."

Sam took Dean's soft hands into his own and looked into his emerald eyes. He touched his cheek gently, then began.

"Dean, I love you, and I want to help you." Sam said

"I know, Sammy, but I can take care of myself." Dean said.

They walked back to their table and sat down. Sam let out a sigh. He knew he had to make Dean realize they were in an equal partnership and Sam was allowed to worry about him and help protect him. Dean hadn't even looked up since they had got back to the table. Sam turned around to see that, once again, the jocks were teasing him. But, instead of tater tots, they were hurling spit balls at him. Sam growled.

"I'll kill those damn pricks. I'll kill them all without thinking twice." Sam said angrily.

"Sam, take a breather. Dean needs you to be calm right now. If he feels the negative vibes, it'll make him even more stressed and hurt." Lucifer said.

"Sam, Luci's right. You need to stay calm. Keep a level head." Michael said, easing his arm around Lucifer.

"Can we please stop talking about me like I'm not here?" Dean asked quietly.

"Sorry, Sweetpea. We'll stop, okay?" Sam asked, kissing Dean's cheek lightly.

"Whatever. I don't care. I'm gonna go hang in the library."

"I'll come with." Sam gathered his backpack and textbooks.

"Stay here. I just wanna be alone for a bit."

Sam gave another 'we'll talk later' look and waved to Dean.

Sam knew he should have gone with Dean, but he understood that he wanted some alone time. He just hoped no one else was in the library. No more than 10 minutes later, the bell rang and the group once again split up. Sierra hoped Dean could find his way to chemistry class. She was surprised when he was already there, reading some book he had probably checked out from the library.

"Hey, Dean. Are you okay?" Sierra asked, gently touching Dean's shoulder, hoping it would comfort him a little.

"I'm fine. What? Did Sam assign you to be my baby-sitter?" Dean asked.

"No, Dean. And even if he did, he just wants to make sure you're feeling alright. He's doing it out of love."

"I know. I just wish he'd realize it's not his job."

Kids started pouring into the room, and Dean tried to hide himself when he saw Jake and his lackeys. Of course, they all sat around him.

"Hey, gay boy. Ready to have some fun with science?" Jake asked, smiling mischievously.

'_I just wanna run.'_ Dean thought, dreading the events that were about to unfold.


	7. Chemistry and A Heart To Heart

Chemistry and A Heart-to-Heart

**A/N: I want to thank you guys for all the great reviews! I know I made Dean kind of wimpy in the last chapter, but things are about to get ugly between him and the jocks.**

Dean could feel his blood boil. He was about to do something he knew he'd regret. He didn't want to deal with their crap anymore, and he was tired of being emotional about it. He swore to himself that the next person who opened their mouth and said some comment about him being gay, he was going to punch them right in the nose.

"Hey, Dean, the guys wanna know if you're top or bottom, so I told them bottom. You know, because Sam seems to be the man in your relationship." Jake said.

Dean didn't hesitate. He swung hard at Jake's face and hit his nose with a sharp _CRACK!_ Jake's hand flew to his nose, which now was dripping with blood. He turned back to Dean.

"You wanna play? Let's play!" Jake said, sending a punch towards Dean's face.

Dean and Jake stood up and Dean tackled him. Jake kicked him off and picked Dean up by his collar and slammed him against the wall. Dean kicked Jake in the stomach, sending him backwards into a lab table, knocking off several beakers and test tubes. The other students were getting excited, screaming fight and making bets.

"Jake, I'm your friend and all, but my money's on Dean!" a jock yelled.

"Yeah Jake! Dean's totally kickin' your ass!" someone else yelled.

Jake charged towards Dean, and Dean blocked him easily.

"You must be some football player! You can't even get past me!" Dean shouted.

"What's going on in here! Get off of him, Jake!" The science teacher said.

"But-But- he tackled me first!" Jake said.

"Save it, Mr. Caza. Please take a seat. You, new kid. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. But, Jake's right. I punched him first." Dean said.

"Why did you punch him?"

"He was teasing me, and has been all day…I just got tired of it."

"Ah. I'll let you go this time."

'_Cool. I made friends with the chemistry teacher.' _Dean thought, sitting back down in his spot. Sierra smiled and nodded her head approvingly.

The rest of the class went relatively well, with the exception of Jake's comment about Dean being positive with Sam and making a negative or something. The rest of the day went pretty much like the first half of the day, and soon, it was time to go home. Dean waited for Sam at the school's front doors. Sam ran up to him, his hazel eyes sparkling in excitement.

"Is it true? Did you really punch Jake?" Sam asked eagerly.

"Yeah, I did. See? I told you I could fend for myself." Dean replied.

"Yeah, I know but…I want to be able to take care of you, too."

"Sammy, you're the only thing that keeps me from going insane. That's enough."

Sam sighed as they walked to the Impala. Sam grabbed Dean's hand in an attempt to get Dean to start showing his feelings. It was a total epic fail. They got in the Impala and Dean cranked the tunes to some ungodly volume. Sam knew exactly what he was doing. He was avoiding the conversation Sam had told him they were going to have. Sam turned the music down.

"Dean. I need to talk to you." Sam said, touching Dean's arm lightly.

"Not now, Sammy. I'm not in the mood." Dean said.

"Dean, you'll never be in the mood. You're just gonna keep avoiding it and saying it doesn't matter."

"Because it doesn't, Sam!"

"Dean! Just hear me out, please?"

"Sam, I swear I will later, okay? Just- I don't need it now."

Sam nodded, knowing he shouldn't push the issue. They arrived at Bobby's a short time later, where Dean immediately changed clothes and went to work on the cars. Sam sighed as he sat at the table. Bobby peered into the kitchen.

"Boy, ain't you got homework or somethin'? And where's yer brother?" Bobby asked.

"Dean went outside to work on the cars. I finished my homework. I'm worried about Dean. He is being teased pretty badly at school, he keeps spacing out, and he's not eating." Sam said.

"That's never good with Dean. I've noticed that boy has hardly sat down the past few days. When he's not working on cars, he's cleaning. When he's not cleaning, he's cooking or doing homework. When he's not doing any of that, he's finding something else to keep him busy."

"I told him I need to talk to him about something. About how I need to be able to take care of him, too."

"Yeah. It's your turn, Sam, remember that. You had better take care of him."

"Oh, I will. And I'm gonna go talk to him right now."

"Good for you. Tell yer brother I'm making dinner, so he doesn't need to worry about it."

"I will, Bobby."

Sam got up and walked to the garage, where Dean was underneath a 1967 Chevrolet Corvette. Dean was humming some song as he worked, and he seemed pretty content working on the car.

"Hey, Dean. Can I talk to you?" Sam asked. Dean rolled out from under the car and stood up.

"It's six o'clock. I should get started on dinner. Bye." Dean said, walking towards the garage door.

Sam grabbed his arm and forced him to sit in a chair. Dean didn't look too happy about it. In fact, he looked nervous and uncomfortable. Sam kneeled beside him and held his hands.

"Dean, you know I love you and appreciate all that you do for me, right?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well, I need you to realize that you're not the only one who needs to be responsible. I appreciate that you take care of me and protect me, and you still can, but I need to be allowed to take care of you and protect you, too. I need you to let me take some of the weight off your shoulders."

"Sammy, I-"

"You don't want to talk about it, I know, babe. And I have one other thing."

"What, Sam? I need to make dinner."

"Bobby's making dinner. When I was little, and Dad would come home drunk, I remember how he used to get very mad and try to hit me. But you'd always get in the way. I didn't realize you were trying to protect me. I used to get mad when I would wake up and you wouldn't be there. But I want you to know, I thank you for it. And if you ever want to talk about something, you can always come to me, even if it's midnight."

"Okay, Sam. I understand."

Sam put his arms around Dean and hugged him, letting Dean know that he was here, ready to talk, ready to give comfort, ready to do whatever he needed to do to make sure Dean was happy. Dean let his head come to rest on Sam's shoulder. Sam smiled and patted Dean's back gently.

"You ready to go inside, Dean?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. I need a shower. I smell like oil and gasoline." Dean said.

Sam kissed Dean gently and they intertwined hands. They headed for the house. Bobby smiled when he saw them.

"Go wash up, you two lovebirds. How you doin' Dean?" Bobby asked.

"Fine. Why? I'm not hungry, so go ahead and eat without me." Dean said

"Dean, babe, you need to eat. You can't put yourself through this." Sam said.

"I'm just not hungry, Sammy."

"Dean, is something wrong?"

"No, there's nothing wrong. I'm just tired, okay? I want to sleep."

Sam became concerned. Dean never _**wanted**_ to sleep, he just kinda did sleep to stay alive. Sam put his hand on Dean's shoulder, but Dean shrugged it off. Dean walked upstairs wordlessly. Sam sighed, frustrated. He knew Dean was upset about something. He figured he would let it go for now.

"Sam, don't worry. Yer brother was always a strange one." Bobby said.

"I know, but- Since when does Dean _**want **_to sleep?" Sam asked.


	8. Nightmares, Love and Embarrassment

Nightmares, Love, and Embarrassment

**A/N: In this chapter, I'm basically emphasizing the talk between Sam and Dean in chapter 7. Please comment and tell me if you think this should turn into mpreg! Thanks for all the positive feedback! BTW, the events were written by request, but they were put in my words.**

**4 days later, Friday afternoon…**

Sam was thinking about Dean again. The way he didn't want to eat, the way he wanted to sleep, the way he didn't want him near him. It worried Sam. Sam was afraid his brother was becoming depressed. Sam was thinking about going out to the garage, force him to come inside, and spoon feed Dean. But, he it would only aggravate and embarrass him to be treated like a toddler who needed someone to feed him. Right as Sam got up to go tell him dinner was ready, Dean stormed through the door. He looked angry and very, very frustrated about something. Sam noticed the crumpled paper in his hand and the math book unsuccessfully hidden in his jacket.

"Hey, Dean. You need help with your homework?" Sam asked.

"Not from you." Dean snapped. Sam took a step back, a little shocked at Dean's reaction.

"Dean, I wasn't saying you were stupid or anything, I just noticed the paper in your hand-"

"I don't need your help! I can do it myself! Besides, you're not even in the same grade. You wouldn't understand it."

"I just want to help, babe. I might understand, just let me take a look."

"NO! Just leave me alone! I've been capable of doing my homework with no one helping me since first freakin' grade. Stop trying to be my father and stop trying to help me all the time."

Dean stormed up the stairs and Sam heard a door slam. Bobby walked in and looked at him questionably. Sam shrugged, his eyes saying that Dean was in a mood.

' _The mood from Hell.' _Sam thought.

"What's Dean on about? He was muttering something about how he wasn't stupid and he didn't need any help. I'm guessing schoolwork, because he had crumpled papers in his hands and there was a math book hidden in his jacket." Bobby said, grabbing a beer out of the fridge.

"Yeah, I asked him if he needed help on his homework, and he snapped at me and told me he didn't need it." Sam said.

"I don't know. Like I said, yer brother's a strange one. He's not used to someone wanting and caring enough to help and coddle him. Don't forget, he worships yer daddy, just like you worship him."

"Yeah, I know. And I wish he wouldn't. If mom was still alive, Dean would be a different person. The person he should be, not the one that was molded from years of horror and abuse."

"I know that. Just give him some time to do his homework. Trust me, if he gets too frustrated with it, he'll ask for help."

Sure enough, half an hour later, Dean came down stairs quietly and went to Sam, tapping his shoulder lightly. Sam turned to face him. Dean hung his head in defeat, embarrassment, and sorrow.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, "could you help me? I don't understand it."

"Sure, Dean-o. What are you doing?" Sam said.

Dean sheepishly held out the paper, not wanting to say it out loud. It was something he thought should be easy for him, something that he should have been able to breeze through.

'_If I was smart.'_ Dean thought.

"Dividing fractions? Okay." Sam said, motioning for Dean to sit. He wasn't going to make fun or tease, he knew Dean was taking remedial math instead of calculus, because Dean had some problems paying attention and he had a few problems learning things like math. Some would say he has a learning disability. He noticed Dean was looking at Bobby uncomfortably.

"Dean, would you like to work somewhere else?" Sam said, giving Bobby a slight glare for smiling.

"Just explain it. You don't have to do it with me." Dean said.

"You won't understand if I don't work through it with you."

Dean nodded and listened as Sam explained and showed him on the paper. Sam would ask every so often if Dean understood, and if he didn't respond, Sam patiently explained again. Dean was embarrassed and felt degraded and Sam knew it, but he also knew if Dean didn't do his work and understand it, he would fail, and that would just injure his already low self-esteem. Dean suddenly stood up and threw his pencil down in frustration.

"I don't get! I am stupid! Dad's right, I should just stick to hunting. I'm never gonna get this and I'm never gonna be as smart as everyone else!" Dean exclaimed, gathering his book and papers.

Sam frowned at Dean's outburst. Dean stomped up the stairs. Sam sighed and turned to Bobby.

"What just happened, Bobby?" Sam asked.

"Honestly? Yer brother just got frustrated and started getting angry. Then times when John called him stupid came back, and he believes it." Bobby said.

"Not that the kids at school are helping any."

"What do you mean, kid?"

"I mean that guy Jake; he saw Dean come out of remedial math and started teasing him. Now, he teases him by spelling things and using big words and asking him for help with his calculus. Not to mention still teasing him about being gay."

"And where were you, Sam, when this happened? Aren't you supposed to be protecting him?"

"I know, but I can't stop them from teasing him during class. I tried to get Jake to stop, but he blew me off, even after I threatened to kill him if he ever even looked at Dean again."

"Dean tried standing up for himself?"

"Bobby, Dean got in a fight with this kid, told him to leave him alone. What better way is there?"

"True. You better go check on him. Its 10:30, he's probably already asleep."

Sam took Bobby's advice and went upstairs. Dean was sleeping on the bed, curled into a little ball, sucking his thumb, blankets tightly wrapped around him. Sam couldn't help but smile at how innocent and childish Dean looked. Sam kissed his forehead and went to change into his own pajamas. When he was ready, his slipped into bed with Dean and wrapped his arms around him. Sam fell asleep easily. Two hours later, Sam awoke to his brother's restless and uncomfortable squirming and wiggling. Sam looked at Dean with hazy eyes, noticing the pained expression on Dean's handsome face. Sam was about to wake him up, when Dean said something interesting in his sleep.

"No, please don't hurt him; he's of no use to you." Dean said, lost in his dream world. Sam leaned in to hear more.

"No Azazel! Take me! Leave Sammy; leave Dad…"

"I miss you Dad. I want to hunt with you again-"

"I know I'm hurting Sam if I'm with him, and I know he's only with me so he won't be alone, but I love him…"

"Dad, can I come back?"

To Sam, it was too much to bear. He wanted to wake Dean up and hug him, hold him, tell him it was okay. Sam didn't, though; he just waited for Dean to go back to a normal sleep. Sam was up first the next morning, and made sure he got out of bed without waking Dean up. Dean was still sleeping soundly when Sam finished dressing. He closed the door and walked downstairs to eat breakfast. Bobby was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper. He looked at Sam strangely, then looked around for Dean.

"Where's yer brother? He's usually up and at 'em by now." Bobby said.

"He had a rough night last night. He'll probably sleep for a while." Sam said.

Sam was wrong. 10 minutes later, Dean woke up, bed sheets in a twisted mess around him and soaking wet. Dean groaned and sat up. That's when he felt it. The wet feeling on his lower half. He looked down to see a huge wet spot on his flannel pajama bottoms. His lip quivered, and his eyes brimmed with babyish tears. Dean mentally scolded himself for acting like a toddler.

'_Shit. Not again. I am 18 for crying out loud. I can't believe I wet myself.'_ Dean thought.

He quickly got up and changed, before walking down stairs.

"Good morning, baby. Why don't you-"Sam started, but Dean completely ignored him. He just walked out to the garage.

Sam frowned and shrugged. He decided to go make the bed. He went to untwist the sheets, and suddenly his hand felt wet. He looked around for something that could have spilled, but didn't find anything. He was wondering what happened, when he realized it was on Dean's side of the bed. He looked for Dean's pajamas, which were also wet to the touch. Sam shook his head, coming to the conclusion that Dean had wet the bed.

'_No wonder he didn't talk this morning. Does embarrassment follow my baby everywhere he goes?'_ Sam thought.

A few hours later, Dean came in and Sam sat him in a chair.

"Okay, I'm curious. Why was the bed wet this morning?" Sam asked.

"I don't know." Dean said coolly.

"Well, then I guess you don't know why your pajamas are wet either, huh?"

"What are you implying?"

"Dean, did you" Sam lowered his voice to a whisper, "wet the bed?"

"No! I'm not a little kid."

"Dean, don't you dare lie to me. I'm not mad, I just want to know."

"Yeah? Well, you _**want**_ to know, you don't _**need**_ to. And if I did, you'd just start treating me like a baby. Well guess what? I never treated _**YOU**_ like that when you did."

"Sweetpea, I just want to know. You don't have to tell me. Is there a reason you don't want to tell me?"

Dean stared at his feet for a few seconds before Sam gripped his chin and gently raised his head. He looked into Dean's eyes, practically seeing his broken and hurt soul. Dean noticed how kind, loving, gentle, and open Sam's hazel eyes were. He knew then he wanted to be with Sam forever. He finally had someone to protect him, someone to call his. Someone who wouldn't kill him for needing help, someone who wouldn't scold his for wanting comfort. Someone that actually cared about him and loved him, not just saw him as a soldier.

"You'll tell. You'll tell someone and everyone will pity me. No one would treat me the same." Dean said. Sam's eyebrows rose slightly.

"Did I tell anybody about the time you cried at the movie _October Sky_? Did I tell anybody about your diary?" Sam asked.

"Well, no."

"So, who would I tell about this? I don't want to embarrass you, Dean. I want you to trust me and let me in."

"Okay, Sam. I'm still not finished with my math homework. It's hard."

Sam didn't agree, because he could breeze through Dean's work at the age of 11. But, he knew it was hard for his lover. Sam took Dean's hand and helped him stand up.

"Come on, bro. Let's go finish up that math homework, huh?" Sam said, putting an arm around Dean, who smiled a little.

"Okay, but if you tell anyone I need your help to finish it, I'll deny everything." Dean said.

"Be my guest."

Sam kissed Dean's forehead. After about an hour of frustration, they got it finished and Dean went back out to the garage. Sam smiled at the good progress they had made on Dean's math skills. He liked the way Dean would work with him, let him help him. All he had to do now was get Dean to go out in public with him to somewhere besides school. Unfortunately, he didn't know why Dean wouldn't. But Dean had his reasons. Such as the phone call to his dad a few days ago.

"_Hey, Dad. I was calling to see how you're doing. Hopefully you aren't hurt or anything." Dean said through the phone._

"_I'm doing much better knowing my boys are committing the sin of incest somewhere far away from me. I've been hunting better without you. Even on the trail of the YED. How's Sam?" John asked, his voice calm and smooth._

"_Sammy's good. Still smart as a whip, acing all his classes. He's even grown about an inch and a half."_

"_Good. You better be taking care of him. Besides the fact that you're hurting him."_

"_W-What? What do you mean?"_

"_He's only with you so he's not alone. He'll leave you. He doesn't love you like that. He's too good for you and you know it. He's experimenting and he'll find a good woman and settle down with her. And he'll never talk to you again."_

_Dean was on the verge of tears. How could his father do this to him? Dean started talking again._

"_I know, Dad. I miss you."_

"_Stop it, Dean. Man up. Bye."_

_**CLICK**_

_Dean sat in the corner of the garage and cried. Sam had seen, but when he asked, Dean told him he just got something in his eye. Dean couldn't tell him about the phone call. Not when he thought it was true._

Sam spent the next few minutes going over a plan he'd thought up. He called Addison and Sierra and Michael and Lucifer. They all thought it was a great idea, and that it'd be good for Dean. Sam smiled triumphantly. Tomorrow was Sam and Dean's first triple date. Now all he had to do was break it to Dean. Sam walked through the garage and saw Dean under the Corvette again.

"Hey Dean, how much do you like surprises?" Sam asked.


	9. Discoveries and Dates

Discoveries and Dates

"Depends. If it happens to be the carburetor for the Corvette, I love surprises. If it's a nice, long chat about something emotional, I absolutely cannot stand surprises." Dean said.

"It's neither of those, but I think you'll like it." Sam said.

"Well, what is it?"

"We're going on a date."

"You're going on a date?"

"No, _**we're**_ going on a date, silly. You, me, Michael, Lucifer, Sierra, and Addison. We're gonna go to a movie. Doesn't that sound awesome?"

Dean rolled out from under the Corvette, glaring at Sam. It didn't sound awesome. It didn't even sound okay. He wasn't happy about it.

"No, it doesn't sound 'awesome'. It sounds crappy. And I don't wanna go." Dean said.

"What? Why? Come on, talk to me." Sam said, helping Dean off the floor.

"Because-Because- I want you, Sammy! I don't want to go out because I don't want you to find a woman to replace me! I want you to stay here, Sam!"

Dean took off towards the house, tears streaming down his cheeks. Sam ran after him, wanting an explanation. He didn't know what had brought on Dean's thought of him wanting a woman, but he wanted to find out. Dean had already locked himself in the bedroom, and Sam could hear his sobs. He knocked on the door.

"Dean? Sweetpea let me in. I need to know what's bothering you or I can't fix it." Sam said.

"Y-You d-don't really c-c-care. G-go a-away S-S-Sam." Dean said through sobs.

"Like hell I don't care. I care a lot. Dean, what's this about? Did Jake tell you something? Did- Did Dad call or something?"

"Nothing. M' fine."

"Bullshit, Dean. That is complete and total crap. Tell me what's wrong or what you want or what's bothering you."

"I don't want you to leave, Sammy. I know I hurt you, I know you're just experimenting, I know you're gonna leave me to find a woman. I don't want to get used to you being around and us going on dates if you're just gonna leave."

Sam heard the door unlock and he walked in, and sat by Dean on the bed.

"Why would you think that? I love you with all my heart. I figured you'd want to go out and have some fun. Remember fun?" Sam asked, rubbing Dean's back.

"But-But Dad told me. And Dad wouldn't lie to me. He never has." Dean said.

Sam bit his lip. He wasn't about to tell Dean just how many times John had lied to him. John had done so many things to Dean, some of them so unspeakable, Dean never brought it up after it happened.

"Yes, he would lie, Dean. You know he would. Stop listening to him. He hurt you, abused you, _**took advantage of you**_-" Sam said.

"He did no such thing! He never violated me and he never sexually abused me!" Dean shouted angrily.

"Dean, he did-"

"No, he didn't! He never would! Go away!"

"Dean Tristan Winchester, listen to me. Dad physiologically, physically, and sexually abused you. I can't take those memories away, but I can tell you one thing. Dad is a liar. I love you, and I'm not gonna leave you. You're my Sweetpea. And part of being that is letting me take care of you, protect you, and help you."

Dean nodded and Sam pulled him into a hug. Dean started to cry again as he buried his head in Sam's chest.

"Shhhh, Dean. What's wrong?" Sam asked.

"You're right Sam." Dean whispered, tightening his hold on Sam.

"Right about what?"

"D-Dad. He did se-sexually abuse me. When I was 12. I didn't even do anything, Sam. Dad told me it was normal and I believed him. Sammy, why am I so stupid? Am I really a bad person? D-Did I deserve all the abuse?"

"Oh, Dean, don't think that! You're the best person I know. You didn't deserve any of it. And you're not stupid. Kids believe their dads. It's normal."

"I remember it, Sam. I-I can't seem to forget it. What he did, I remember it like it was yesterday."

"It's okay, Dean. Just get it all out, babe."

Dean kinda spaced out for awhile. He was replaying the ungodly scene in his head.

-FLASHBACK-

_Dean was scared. His dad was acting strange. He asked Dean to sleep in his bed._

"_Dad, a-are you gonna reprimand me?" Dean asked._

"_No, son. I just want you to be safe okay?" John said, tracing Dean's jaw line with his index finger._

"_Yeah, uh, okay, Dad. Whatever you say."_

_John realized he had to give Dean credit. Dean always followed commands never asked twice and just did whatever he said._

"_This will be so easy…' John thought._

_Dean was starting to fall asleep. He relaxed and closed his eyes. John started to pull off his pajama bottoms. Dean jumped and scooted away._

"_Dad, what-what are you doing?" Dean asked, startled._

"_Don't worry, Dean. It's okay, buddy. Would I lie to you?" John asked._

"_N-No, Dad."_

_Dean whimpered. His dad was pulling his pants off. He was very confused. John leaned over and whispered in his ear._

"_Ready to become a man, Dean?" John whispered._

_Dean shook his head, still unaware of John's intentions. John pulled off Dean's shirt and fingered Dean's soon to be abs._

"_Dad, what are you doing? Please, I-I-" Dean whimpered._

"_Shhhh, buddy. It'll be over soon." John said._

_Once they were both undressed, John did exactly what he used to do to Mary. Fuck her hard. Dean let out very high pitched screams of pain and agony._

"_Dad, please stop!" Dean shouted, biting his lip to stop the tears from flowing._

_Dean was gripping the sheets so tight his knuckles turned white. He was freaking out. He didn't know what he did wrong. All he knew was that whatever was happening hurt like hell and his dad actually looked kinda happy about it._

"_Shhhh, Dean. It's perfectly normal for it to hurt the first time. It'll be okay." John said, entering Dean a little harder than last time._

_Dean was so torn. His dad said it was okay, but his still developing body said there was something wrong with the picture. It hurt like freakin' hell, and he was almost sure he was bleeding. John leaned down from his position straddling Dean and licked Dean's face, flicking his tongue near his temple. Dean couldn't help it, he started crying. John got extremely close to his ear and whispered,_

"_As good as your mom. You look and act a lot like her. And now I can add this to the list of things you do like her. And we don't tell Sammy about this."_

"_Yes, sir." Dean whispered, get dressed quickly and leaving his father's room. He was sore in an area that should never be sore. He woke up the next morning, a large spot of blood on the front of his pajama bottoms._

'_What the hell? Am I on my period or what?' Dean thought._

_Suddenly, he remembered. His dad and how he said people who love each other did what they did. He'd heard the 8__th__ graders call it sex. Had he just had sex with his father? How is that possible? His dad wouldn't do that; it was wrong. But Dean knew Dad wouldn't unless it was important. Dean simply kept his mouth shut about it._

_-_END OF FLASHBACK-

After Dean finished the flashback, he fell asleep, still cradled in Sam's embrace. Sam smiled and kissed Dean's hair lovingly. He didn't know what happened between Dean and their father, but he was determined to find out. He walked downstairs and found Bobby sitting at the kitchen table. Sam sat across from him.

"Bobby, how much do you know about what my dad did to Dean?" Sam asked.

"Not much, except for what went on here. John thought I couldn't hear him and Dean in that room, but I could. That was the worst thing he ever did to Dean. The most disgusting thing he'd ever done to him. Not only that, but it was because Dean reminded him of Mary. Dean was always a replacement for Mary. For you, for John, for a lot of people." Bobby said.

"What exactly happened?"

"John, ya know, um—made love to Dean."

"THAT TWISTED SON OF A BITCH! I'M GONNA KILL HIM! I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL GET MY REVENGE ON THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE IF THAT'S THE LAST THING I EVER DO!"

"Sam, let's calm down, okay?"

"Sorry, it's just—ugh, the way he treated Dean-"

"Yeah, I know."

**The next day, Sunday afternoon, 3 P.M….**

"Dean, come on! We were supposed to be there 10 minutes ago!" Sam called.

"Sorry, Sammy. I'll try to hurry." Dean called back.

Sam shook his head as Dean came downstairs in a nice tee-shirt and jeans, his converse shoes, and his leather jacket. Dean gave a lopsided smile.

"Do I look okay? I don't want to embarrass you." Dean said.

"You look great, Sweetpea. Now let's go. If we're lucky, we'll make it." Sam said.

Dean grabbed his backpack off the hall table. He'd started carrying it religiously. It had everything in it. Sam swore if you ask for anything, Dean would probably pull it out of his backpack. Sam took Dean's hand and they walked out to the Impala. He was glad he'd gotten Dean to agree to go out. It had taken about 2 hours of telling Dean his dad was a filthy liar and Sam was never leaving to get him to. They got in the Impala and Dean of course turned on some AC/DC and the song just happened to be _You Shook Me All Night Long_. Sam laughed as Dean started singing along to the loud music. Dean got red and turned down the music.

"Dean, you didn't have to stop, I was just-" Sam started.

"Laughing at me?" Dean said.

"Not at you, babe. I thought it was cute, that's all."

Sam kissed Dean's cheek. Dean seemed to retreat a little. Sam was surprised because usually, Dean loved it when Sam got all flirty.

"Something wrong, Dean?" Sam asked.

"Dad- Never mind, it was a long time ago." Dean said.

"Dad did that when he was having sex with you?"

"Who the fuck told you! No one else knew! Dad told me he never told!"

Dean burst into tears. Sam tried comforting him, but Dean refused.

"No one told me Dean…not anyone you or Dad told. Bobby knew and he told me." Sam said.

"Impossible! He didn't know!" Dean said.

"Dean calm down-"

"I won't 'calm down' Sam! You were never supposed to know!"

"Dean, I-"

"Stop talking! You don't know what actually happened!"

"Really? What did happen, huh? Are you telling me you _**wanted**_ it? Or is the truth that Dad took advantage of you and you had no idea what was happening?"

"Dad took advantage, okay! Jeez, you'll do anything to make him look like a fuckin' petifile child abuser won't you?"

"Dean, you need to learn that Dad is not a hero, or a good guy! He is a mentally sick person who expected you to be like his wife!"

"Shut up!"

"Dean, I don't like this. Can you honestly say you're not the least miffed that Dad did that to you?"

"No, I can't. I am sorry, Sammy. I shouldn't yell at you. You're trying to helpful and I'm being a bitch."

"No you're not. It's a touchy subject and I understand that. Just—I want to know how you _**really**_ feel about Dad. Not the way you were hardwired to think of him."

"Okay, Sammy. I'll tell you. On one condition. We have fun tonight. Not just at the movies, but at home too."

"You got a deal, Sweetpea."

"And the master of seduction does it again."

"Master of seduction my ass. You're always bottom, which means-oh, yeah- you're my bitch."

"Hey, now."

"Sorry."

They arrived at the movie theater a short time later, and met up with the group.

"Hey, everyone." Dean said, giving a small wave.

"Hey Dean! We didn't think you were comin' tonight." Michael said, making Sam put his arm around Dean's shoulder.

"Yeah, well, I decided to stop being a stupid emo bitch all the time and rejoin the ranks of the world."

"Shut up. You are not an emo bitch, Dean." Sierra said, rolling her eyes.

"In total agreement. Just sensitive." Lucifer said.

"Thanks, but hasn't the movie started already?" Dean asked.

The gang nodded in agreement and headed to the theater. The movie they watched was some cute, chick flick movie, but Dean actually liked it. He stayed curled up at Sam's side during slightly scary or intense moments, holding Sam's hand at the parts with action, kissing Sam when there was romance, and using Sam's shoulder to cry on during sad parts. Sam never rejected him and he noticed Dean was actually showing something other than the feeling of hating the world. After the movie while they were walking to the Impala, Sam smiled.

"I guessed you liked the movie, huh?" Sam asked, making Dean blush.

"Yep. It was pretty good." Dean said, unlocking the Impala.

"Please. You never took your eyes off the screen. It seemed like it triggered some emotions, though."

"Yeah. Maybe it was when that chick's dad beat the shit out of her."

Sam frowned. He never got around to reading the description of the movie.

'_I wonder if Dean's offer still holds. It better, cos I wanna hear about Dad'_ Sam thought.


	10. Confessions,Fear,Apologies,and Promises

Confessions, Fear, Apologies, and Promises

**A/N: I know it's been awhile since I've updated. But hopefully this is a good chapter. A little scared and untrusting Dean.**

They got back from the movies and waved to Bobby before going upstairs. Sam was already planning on trapping Dean and making him keep his promise. Sam got Dean into the room and pushed him onto the bed before crawling on top of him and fingering his abs. Dean blushed but responded as Sam started to kiss him.

"Tell me." Sam whispered.

"Tell you what?" Dean asked.

"What you really think about Dad. You told me you'd tell me, Deanie."

"You want to know? I think Dad is-" Kiss. "A total-" Kiss. "Asshole."

"You know what? I think-" Kiss. "So-" Kiss. "Too."

"I know you do. If you want to hear more, get off of me."

Sam climbed off and Dean snuggled up to him. Sam anxiously awaited more, wanting to know what else his dad had done to his lover behind closed doors. He swore that one day he'd have revenge on John for fucking up Dean's life more than it was already destine to be.

"Where do you want me to start?" Dean asked.

"What's the worst thing he's ever done to you?" Sam asked.

"What do you mean? Publically or when we were alone?"

"Either."

"Well, you know the worst thing he did to me in private…I don't know about in public. There was the time I wet the bed and he made me wear a diaper to school. Though, I got lucky. Everyone noticed, and they all made fun of me, but we left town that day."

"That's horrible, Dean. Why didn't you stick up for yourself?"

"It's hard to when he's the closest thing you have to a guardian and protector. And it's really hard when he practically watches your every move."

"I'm so sorry, Dean. I'm sorry I didn't understand sooner. I'm sorry I didn't help."

"Not your fault, Sam. I'm really tired, so, uh, I'm gonna go change, okay?"

"Sure, Sweetpea. I love you."

"I-I love you, too, Buttercup."

Dean quickly changed and went back into the room. He got in bed and snuggled up next to his Sammy. Sam cuddled him, running the back of his hand across Dean's smooth, yet rugged and scarred face. Sam wondered what those where from. He ghosted Dean's lips and cupped Dean gently. Dean bucked and looked at Sam fearfully.

"N-no. Nonononono! Sammy, no! Don't! Please! I'm sorry!" Dean yelled, jumping out of bed and running downstairs.

Sam hurriedly went after Dean. He found him in the corner of the living room, curled into a ball, rocking back and forth, and humming _Hey Jude_. Sam noticed Bobby was near Dean, trying to talk to him. Dean kept trying to go further into the corner, trying to distance himself from the older man.

"Dean? Hey, Dean, it's okay. I'm so sorry if I took it too far, I didn't mean to." Sam said.

"No, Sammy. Not again-" Dean whispered.

"I know, Dean. I wasn't trying—I'm so sorry, baby. I swear, if you don't want to make love anymore, it's fine. I won't push you."

"Sammy, no more. I-I can't disappoint him. I don't want the belt again. Can't be with you. Have to hunt—only thing I'm good at."

"Shhhh, its okay, Dean. Dad can't hurt you anymore. It's just me and you, and I promised to protect you. I WILL keep you safe."

Dean looked up at Sam with tearful, fearful, and untrusting eyes. Sam's heart broke. He should have known something like that would set him off. He cupped him, and it probably brought back memories from when John raped him. Sam reached out to touch Dean's shoulder, and was surprised that Dean didn't retreat.

"Sorry, Sam. I'm acting like a bitch. I didn't mean it, you just-" Dean started.

"Scared you a little? It's okay, Dean. I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have done that. I'm gonna do something for you."

"What can you do for me?"

"I'm going to make you a promise. I promise to take care of you, protect you, listen to you, and help you in every way possible."

"Okay, Sammy."

"Come on, let's get to bed. We've got school tomorrow."

Sam helped Dean up and they headed to bed. Sam got in bed with Dean and wrapped his arms around him, smiling when Dean snuggled into the crook of his neck.

"Goodnight, angel." Sam whispered, kissing Dean's hair.

"Goodnight, my Sammy- Sam." Dean whispered back.


	11. Quaility Time and Dean's Realization

Quality Time and Dean's Realization

**A/N: This is the chapter! Dean's gonna find out something! M!preg in this chapter! I'm not good at M!preg, but this chapter might be good. Little twist at the end! Thanks again for all the reviews! You are awesome readers!**

Dean woke up with a familiar heaviness in the pit of his stomach, followed by a wave of nausea. Dean got up quickly and ran to the bathroom, where he emptied his stomach into the toilet. He couldn't figure it out. He'd been doing this every morning, and a couple of times throughout the day. He had been successfully hiding it from Sam, figuring he'd tell him when he figured out what was wrong. There was a very small swell of his stomach, and that was strange too, because he worked out every day, and ate healthily. He came out of the bathroom and looked at the wall clock. It was only 4:30 A.M. He decided to look up his symptoms on the computer and see if he could find something. He heard his stomach growl, and decided it could wait until after he had breakfast. He also added excessive hunger to his growing symptoms list. He ate his breakfast and went into Bobby's study to use the computer. He got on Google™ and looked up his symptoms.

'_Morning sickness, excessive hunger, swelling of the stomach, and excessive tiredness. Let's see what I can dig up.' _ Dean thought as he pushed search.

His eyes widened. The only thing that matched all his symptoms was…pregnancy. He just shook his head and clicked on one of the links that had a quiz. He was surprised at the first question. How do your breasts feel? Dean had no idea how to answer that. He looked over the four choices and looked down.

'_Only one way to find out, I guess.' _Dean thought, as he touched one of his 'breasts'. They were really sore.

He clicked A- Sore to the touch. He was so embarrassed. If Sam ever found out, Dean was sure he'd never hear the end. He went through the 15 question quiz and ended up with the conclusion that he _**might**_ be pregnant.

'_Oh my God! Oh my freaking God! How is there even a __**possibility**__? I-I— there's only one way to find out, and I can't tell Sam until I'm sure. Ugh. I need to make a trip to the pharmacy today after school.' _Dean thought.

He closed the search engine and rubbed his stomach absentmindedly. He normally kept an open mind, due to everything he'd seen, but this was just too much. But to Dean, it was also exciting. Carrying a little life—his and Sam's baby, this was strange, unreal, and impossible, yet exciting, amazing, and just plain—unbelievable. Dean heard water turn on upstairs and figured Sam was up. He quickly went upstairs to grab his clothes and change. He waited outside the bathroom door, but was surprised when someone came up behind him and put their arms around him. Dean jumped and turned around.

"Whoa, a little jumpy this morning, are we?" Sam asked as he kissed Dean's lips.

"Jumpy? I'm not jumpy. You just surprised me." Dean replied.

"Okay. You better get dressed. We need to get to school, gorgeous."

"Yeah, I guess. Love you.

"Love you, too."

"You wanna take first shower? Or maybe we can take one together to conserve water."

"Conserve water my ass. You just want to get me hard."

Sam smiled and kissed his brother again. Dean was acting a little jumpy and nervous, but Sam figured maybe he really had just scared him. Sam wrapped his arms around Dean and touched his nose to Dean's.

"Something wrong, babe?" Sam asked, gently rubbing the pad of his thumb over Dean's cheek.

"No. Let's get ready for school." Dean said, slowly pushing himself off Sam.

They got ready and headed for school. That day didn't do Dean much justice. In Home Ec. , Dean almost said something embarrassing, then got some teasing. In Auto Shop, he puked twice at the scent of Jordan's cologne. In Chemistry, Jake got assigned his partner and laughed at him when he started gagging at the sight of the frog at their lab table. Dean didn't know why, but Jake seemed to look at him with a harder glare than usual, as if he was starting to hate him more. He was so glad when the day ended. He walked to the Impala, feeling exhausted. Sam ran up and lifted him off the ground in a hug. Sam looked at the weary expression on his lover's face, set him down, and gave his shoulders a loving and sympathetic squeeze. Dean smiled weakly.

"Tired, baby?" Sam asked, rubbing Dean's chest in a loving way.

"Yeah, a little. But I need to get something from the pharmacy on the way home, okay Sammy? Then we can go home and take a 'nap'." Dean said, getting into the Impala.

"Sure Dean. What do you need?"

"Just something. I'll tell you later."

"Come on. Tell me! You know you want to."

"Sam-"

"Come on, Dean! You can trust me!"

"Sammy, please! I'll tell you when I'm sure."

"Alright, Dean."

Sam put his hand on Dean's thigh, which was twitching. As Dean drove to the pharmacy, he was nervous and excited at the same time. He was thinking about how he'd tell Sam if he was.

'_Sammy, if I am carrying our baby, please don't be mad.'_ Dean begged mentally.

They got to their destination in record time, and Dean jumped out and ran in. He found what he needed. He picked up a box of Clear Blue™ test strips and headed to the checkout when trouble ensued. Jake was the cashier.

'_Well, if this isn't just the cherry on top of the bad day sundae.'_ Dean thought.

It was the only check out open, so Dean walked up and put it on the counter. Jake looked at him and smirked.

"What? Someone think he might have a little one on the way?" Jake sneered.

"Shut up and just let tell me how much I owe you." Dean said evenly.

"Oh, the mood swings already started. You must be only a few weeks in."

"How much do I owe you?"

"$6.95. Special discount for soon to be mothers."

"Screw you."

Dean picked up the box and hid it in his jacket before walking to the bathroom to take it.

"Here goes nothing." Dean said.

Dean waited five minutes after taking it and picked it up. Two pink lines. He examined the box. Two lines was positive.

'_Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm pregnant! I have to tell Sam!'_ Dean thought excitedly.

He ran out of the bathroom and out to the Impala, where he jumped in and quickly drove to Bobby's. Sam had never seen Dean so excited. When they got to Bobby's though, Dean paled visibly. Sam helped Dean to the house and got him to the bedroom. He pushed Dean up against the wall.

"S-Sam-I" Dean said.

"What's wrong? Are you sick? Here, Doctor Sammy's gonna make you all better." Sam whispered while unbuttoning and unzipping Dean's jeans.

"Sam, I-"

"Shhhh…Sammy's got ya."

Sam shoved his hand into Dean's boxers. He felt Dean tense up.

"Sam, stop! I have to tell you something really important!" Dean said. Sam removed his hand and sat on the bed.

"Alright, De, I'm all ears. What's up?" Sam asked.

"I-I-I- How do I explain this?" Dean asked.

"Just tell me, Sweetpea."

"I-I'm p-pre-pregnant! I'm pregnant, okay?"

"YOU'RE WHAT?"

"Please, stop yelling, Sammy. I know you're upset, I know you're not ready to be a daddy-"

"Dean, this is great! Me and you are gonna have a baby! A BABY! A new little Winchester. Dean, how long?"

"I just found out today. That's why I went to the pharmacy. I got a test and took it and it was positive. But, we should probably get it check professionally."

"Well, of course! Dean, I promise, I'm gonna take extra special care of you and the baby. How does it feel, Dean? How does it feel to have a baby inside of you?"

"I don't know yet. But, I'm gonna be a daddy. Or a mommy. That I'll leave for later. So, you are happy about this?"

Sam took Dean's face into his hands. His brother was pregnant with his baby! Sam kissed Dean gently and wrapped his arms around him.

"Dean, I love you. And as soon as I turn 18, I want you to marry me, understand? In four short years, you will be my husband. And just so everyone knows you're taken, Bobby helped me get this for you." Sam said, as he got down on one knee.

"Sam-You didn't. I-I" Dean stuttered.

"I did. Will you marry me? In four years so we keep it 'legal'?"

Dean nodded as tears fell down his face. He hugged his Sammy and kissed him. Sam slid the ring on Dean's finger.

"Sam-you really shouldn't have. I don't deserve it." Dean said.

"Dean Tristan Winchester, you _**do**_ deserve this. You deserve the best I can give you and more. You put up with so much and gave up so much; you need something that will make you happy." Sam said.

"Thank you, Sammy. I love you."

"I love you, too, Sweetpea."


	12. Not Yours

Not Yours

Sam was anxious the next day. They had an appointment at the local OB/GYN at 3:30, right after they got out of school. He knew Dean was excited, and anxious. As soon as the bell rang, Sam bolted out of the room and out to the Impala to meet Dean. Dean was leaning against the hood, the sunlight hitting his hair and skin at an angle that gave him a healthy glow. Sam ran over and hugged him.

"You ready to go, Dean? Are you excited?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, Sammy. Let's go or we'll be late." Dean said.

They got in the car and Dean pulled out of the parking lot. Sam watched Dean with soft eyes and smiled at him. He wondered what was going through Dean's head.

"Hey, Dean. What's going through your head?" Sam asked.

"Nothing. Don't worry, I'm fine." Dean said.

Sam nodded. They pulled up at the office a short time later, and Dean got out. He waited for Sam and grasped his hand tightly as they walked in. Dean shivered miserably as they checked in and sat in the waiting room. Den suddenly became aware as he heard his name be called by a nurse.

"Dean Winchester? Dean Winchester?" She called.

"Right here." Dean said.

He and Sam stood up and walked to the back with the nurse. Dean didn't like the feel of the office. It was cold, evil. There was something telling him bad news was to come. The nurse showed them a small room with an examination table and a large machine.

"Just wait here. Dr. Penske will be here in a minute. Dean, please lay on the examination table." She said.

Soon, she was gone. It was just Sam and Dean. Sam helped Dean lay down and rubbed Dean's expanding stomach. Sam kissed Dean, and noticed Dean's taut muscles.

"Dean, relax. They won't be able to see anything if you're tense." Sam said gently.

"Sam, something's not right here." Dean replied.

"Everything will be okay, Dean. Just keep holding my hand, okay?"

"Okay, Sammy. I'll be good."

Sam frowned at Dean's last sentence. But he didn't have time to voice his worries because Dr. Penske walked in. He sat in a chair next to Dean and smiled.

"Dean, it's nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Penske, and I'll be taking care of you." Dr. Penske said.

"I'm Dean, and this is Sam. It's nice to meet you, too." Dean said softly.

"Okay, Dean. Do you mind if Sam leaves so I can ask you some questions?"

"No! Sam stays! Don't make him leave!"

"Okay, okay. Sam can stay. Sam, please refrain from answering for Dean."

"Yes, sir." Sam replied.

"Thank you. Okay, first question. How long has it been since you last had sexual intercourse?"

"3 weeks ago." Dean said.

"How long have you been experiencing symptoms?"

"About…eight weeks."

"Do you usually flow heavy?"

"Excuse me? I don't think I understand."

"Males who get pregnant have a uterus. This means that, like females, they have a menstrual cycle. But, unlike females, that don't have to have a period before they get pregnant. Do you usually flow heavy?"

"I, uhm, I haven't gotten my, uh, period."

'_God, I feel like a twelve year old girl being questioned by her Dad.' _Dean thought.

"Okay, Dean. This question is very personal, and if you don't want to answer, it's okay."

"What's the question?"

"Have you slept with more than one partner? Besides Sam, I mean."

"Yes sir."

"Do you usually partake in anal intercourse?"

"Yes. I'd prefer not to answer any more questions about my partners."

"Okay, Dean. Just a few more questions."

Dean nodded and answered each question without any problems. Sam patted Dean's chest and squeezed his hand. He was proud of his brother for cooperating so well. Dean was a bit tense, and Sam took it as nerves. Sam got excited when the doctor asked Dean to pull up his shirt so he could start the sonogram. Dean shivered as Dr. Penske rubbed gel over Dean's stomach. Sam intently watched the screen with Dean.

"See, this is your baby right here. He's starting to develop eyes and eyelashes. It's healthy and happy." Dr. Penske said.

"Wow, Dean. This makes it so real." Sam said.

"It does, Sammy." Dean said in a whisper.

"It looks like you're about 10 weeks along." Dr. Penske said.

"10 weeks? But me and Sam…it's only been 3…oh, God." Dean said, turning pale.

"Dean? Dean, what's going on?" Sam asked.

"Sam. The baby-it's not yours. Oh my God, I'm so sorry!"

"If it's not mine, then it has to be-"

"John's." They said simultaneously.

Dean broke down and started to sob uncontrollably. Dr. Penske said that he'd give them some time. Sam rubbed Dean's back and whispered soothing nonsense into his ear.

"Sam, don't. You shouldn't love me." Dean sobbed.

"Dean, this isn't your fault. He _**raped**_ you. You had no control over the situation." Sam said gently.

"It is my fault! Sam, don't sugar coat it! This is my fault and I could have stopped it!"

"Dean, no. Don't say that. This isn't nor will it ever be. Let's just go home."

With that, the doctor came back in, told Dean to take it easy, gave him some prenatal vitamins, and let them go home. Dean curled up in the passenger seat. And cried until he had the courage to call John.


	13. Calls and Crimes

Calls and Crimes

Sam watched as Dean waited for their dad to pick up. Sam couldn't believe that after everything John had done, Dean still felt the need to tell him. Dean started to talk quietly into the phone.

"Dad, it's yours." Dean whispered.

"_What? What's mine, you slut?" John said._

"The-the baby."

"_You irresponsible little whore. Why didn't you remind me to wear a fucking condom?"_

"You-you were really drunk, Dad, and-"

"_Shut up, Dean! You're so stupid! I'm sure Sam's already moved on, hasn't he? He found out what a huge, unholy slut you are, didn't he? Good bye, Dean."_

Dean hung up and started to cry more. Sam couldn't take seeing Dean like this. Dean was so broken, Sam wasn't sure if he could be mended. But Sam was going to try.

"Dean, baby, please don't cry. It's not your fault. It was just a bad situation that you had no control over." Sam said.

"It is my fault. Everything's my fault. I couldn't save Mom, I can't save you, and I can't even remember to remind Dad to wear a condom." Dean sobbed.

"Dean, no. Stop. Don't put yourself down. Dad is wrong. Always is, always will be. You don't need his approval."

"You're wrong, Sam. I know you don't love him, but he's still our Dad."

"Dean, I know you love him. But after everything he did to you, everything he told you-"

"He just got a little stir crazy, Sam. It's not his fault. He saw his wife die in flames-"

"Yeah, and then made you her replacement! He blamed you for it! You were four, Dean, not forty!"

"Sam, stop yelling. P-please don't yell."

"Dean- oh crap, Dean, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Sammy."

"No, it's not okay. Dean, I shouldn't yell at you."

Dean just shut down after that. Sam rubbed his arm and Dean moved away. Sam didn't know if Dean was ever going to open up again. When they got to Bobby's, Dean went into the study and curled up in the corner and cried.

"Shit, boy. What the hell did the doctor tell him?" Bobby asked.

"The baby's happy, healthy, and Dean's doing just fine taking care of it." Sam said.

"Okay, why is he so upset, then?"

"The baby's not mine."

"The baby's not yours? What in God's name- Then who's is it?"

"Bobby, quiet down. It's John's. That bastard raped Dean and Dean thinks this is all his fault. He won't even talk to me anymore. He just shut down."

"Oh, balls! That goddamn prick! I chased him away once, I will do it again! John Winchester will taste fucking gunpowder!"

"Bobby, let's try to get Dean to talk first. He hasn't eaten all day and he needs a prenatal vitamin."

"Good plan. I'll grab a blanket and some food for him."

"Thanks, Bobby."

Sam walked into the study slowly with soft footsteps. He was determined to have Dean talk to him. Dean was still curled up and crying in the corner, but Sam could hear soft whispers coming from Dean. Sam frowned as he heard Dean tell himself what a worthless cumslut he was. Sam kneeled beside him and took his hand. Dean pulled away and scooted away from Sam. Dean kept crying.

'_I'm so sorry, Sammy. I still love you, I really do. I don't want to do this! I want to snuggle with you and feel you! But I can't make myself believe that you still love me. I can't make you raise a baby that isn't yours.'_ Dean thought.

Sam just sat by Dean and gave him soft touches, just little, feather light touches to show he was there. Dean just took off the ring Sam had given him and handed it back before getting up.

"Sam, give it to someone who deserves it. Someone who isn't me." Dean said as he walked out the front door.

Sam ran out the door and caught up with Dean quickly. He grabbed Dean by the shoulders and held him. Dean squirmed and writhed and told Sam to leave him alone. Sam just suddenly locked lips with Dean to halt his protests. Dean tried to push Sam away, but Sam held him tight.

"Dean, don't pull this crap with me. Not after everything we've been through. Dean, you were happy with us. Don't just shut down. I don't care if the baby's Dad's. I want to raise it with you, I want to see it grow up and call me Daddy and you Mommy. I want to be a huge part of this baby's life, and that won't ever change." Sam said.

Dean just shook his head.

"I'll sleep on the couch from now on. Just forget about it, Sam." Dean said, pushing past Sam to go back to the house.

Sam was steaming now. He was so angry at John, it wasn't even funny. He wanted to kill John if that's what it took, but he would get Dean back. He knew Dean still loved him, wanted to be with him. Sam wasn't going to let Dean slip through his fingers.

Later on that night, Dean laid on the couch, thinking about what Sam had said. But Dean just couldn't believe that. He just knew if he hadn't of shut Sam out, John would have done something horrible to Sam. Dean closed his eyes and fell into a light slumber, wishing he had his Sammy to cuddle with.

Sam tossed and turned. Something didn't feel right. He wanted Dean to be cuddled into his side and making the cute little snoring sounds he loved. He felt like he couldn't keep Dean safe now. Sam sat up and looked around. He sighed and laid back down.

John was waiting. He waited for the lights to go out before he made his move. He grabbed the rope and the lock picks and walked towards the front door. John's cruel smile was enough to make any serial killer run screaming. He opened the front door slowly and quietly. He stepped in and walked over to the couch. He looked down at Dean's sleeping form.

"Dean, Dean, Dean. You got away once. Now you'll pay." John whispered, tying Dean's hands and feet together with the rope.

Dean woke up slightly and was about to scream out, until John cupped his hand over Dean's mouth. He threw Dean over his shoulder and walked out the door. After throwing Dean in the truck, John drove away at ninety miles an hour.

"Don't worry, Dean. You'll get just what you deserve. Pain and suffering." John laughed cruelly.


End file.
